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[May. 23rd, 2010|07:45 pm] |
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dont be dirty ice cream. |
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[Aug. 8th, 2008|09:17 pm] |
| [ | How I Feel |
| |  sleepy | ] |
I am now officially on two antidepressants and one anti anxiety. Yeehaw. They are treating me for bi-polar disorder but the least one to worry about. I have to keep a paper journal for six weeks documenting my prognosis and let my psychiatrist see it. Life is not fun anymore. I hate my life.
I go to cedar point with jonathan on wednesday and it's going to be difficult not to kiss him again. I miss him dearly. He said he didn't want to break my heart as the tears rolled down his face. I couldn't look at him as he sat on the couch with his head in his hands. I turned around and saw him and walked over and lifted his head up. I looked into his eyes and the tears flowed out of eyes and I hugged him. We cried and held each other.
I don't know if I want to be in love again.
My medication is making tired and I need to get some sleep. |
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[Aug. 1st, 2008|10:02 am] |
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I have not seen The Dark Knight. |
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[May. 3rd, 2008|06:23 pm] |
| [ | How I Feel |
| |  lonely | ] |
| [ | Listening To |
| | the.execution.of.all.things,rilo kiley | ] |
So it's been a while, quite a while, but let's face it. I've got nothing better to do with my life right now, I kind of want to watch The O.C. because I'm that bored.
Anyway, I have a new boyfriend, I'm really into him and I'm just worried. I'm such a nervous wreck sometimes over stupid bullshit. Let's face it, I'm not a very good dater. How did I stay with Nick for so long? Who knows. Back to the discussion, he's a different guy, a guy I've never dated, so I guess I'm just shy to a new situation. Even though I'm sure we're in this together. We dealt with some shitty drama earlier this week and I feel sicker than he did. Mostly because I realized who my friends were and who weren't. Truth be told, I'm hurt, I'm distant, and I'm not even sure how to get back on track. It's happened before, not that same scenario, but the drama, the friends, the bullshit. I guess I'm just jaded from the past. I can't get past my past. Kathy you are the only one that's going to read this, which is hilarious. I feel like I'm writing to an audience at a silent movie.
Conclusion:
I'm afraid to really open up, even though I've already done so. I'm afraid that because he went to visit Arizona for a school that he'd come back, which he did already I just haven't seen him, and he wouldn't care about me. Like such a trip would change everything about him. I had nightmares about it, I felt horrible, my stomach just dropped, I ate a pint of Ben & Jerry's. This was a terrible feeling. The worst in forever. I dreamt that he came back and he loved it there, and I had to break up with him, because it was just easier to do and it was going to happen. I'm afraid his blue eyes are going to come back and look right through me. Like I never existed, I'm just so afraid of being hurt. I guess I put myself out there for it though. I also tried to get him to talk to me back in the dream, but he just drove off and left me at this house. My alarm woke me up and I felt the utmost terror. Why? I have to ask myself this question. I'll never understand it.
( When the moon fell in love with the sun ) |
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[Apr. 8th, 2008|11:36 pm] |
| [ | How I Feel |
| | tired | ] |
| [ | Listening To |
| | Baby.Come.On,+44 | ] |
I've been so nervous lately.
But at least I got my panic at the disco tickets! |
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[Apr. 4th, 2008|03:40 pm] |
| [ | How I Feel |
| |  aggravated | ] |
| [ | Listening To |
| | Six.Feet.Under.The.Stars, All Time Low | ] |
You say that it's taken you so long to figure out some of your friends are skanks.
Well what the fuck is that about?
Play business and bullshit later. |
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[Mar. 28th, 2008|02:29 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | the random post | ] |
| [ | How I Feel |
| |  blah | ] |
| [ | Listening To |
| | Portions.For.Foxes, Rilo Kiley | ] |
I slept really late today, try like one pm, but man it felt good to get some rest. Considering that last night I tossed and turned all night. I did have a strange dream though! I went to the PATD concert and I got to meet Brendon Urie (omfg yay) and we got a picture and hugged and then he told me I need to lose weight. :( I woke up and felt very.. um.. concerned. Although, I'm sure he wouldn't say that in real life to my face. Maybe I'll just diet just in case we happen to go backstage or something. I'm a total tard, but really a diet is in need. Pilates, yoga, weights, and elliptical machines are going to be in use until that damn concert. No junk food, not a lot of chocolate (only because I have an easter basket from nick I should eat, but in moderation!), fast food is limited, outings with cast will be filled with veggies and fruit, along with lots of glasses of water. Oh cherry coke is my downfall. Oh shit, what the fuck? Now I'm totally screwed because there is nothing in this house that is healthy, blast being poor, but I am so hungry. Maybe just one bowl of mac and cheese won't kill me. But just one! If I break and have two bowl, I'm going to cry, this just only means I cannot commit to a diet. Damn it..
Enough talk about that! Performance is next week and I hate this play already. I'm pretty excited for cast party (yay authentic enchiladas!) and staying out late until Mr. G gives us candy to leave. Oh what a sweet man, at least he gives you candy with a smile and says "Buenos noches."
I hate waiting for water to boil.. |
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[Mar. 27th, 2008|06:17 pm] |
| [ | How I Feel |
| | tired | ] |
| [ | Listening To |
| | Nothern.Downpour, Panic at the Disco | ] |
I'm absolutely tired and I really don't want to go to play practice tonight. I just want to find some decent Sailor Moon pictures and make some icons. I just randomly found my default icon on lj.
But really, I just don't want to do anything but sleep.
bleh bleh bleh...
I got my transcripts from Central to send to Columbia College, yay art school. |
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[Feb. 4th, 2008|10:51 pm] |
| [ | How I Feel |
| | tired | ] |
| [ | Listening To |
| | Famous.Last.Words, My Chemical Romance | ] |
I'm everything but normal. |
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